Chapter 85
Chapter 85
I nod and dash off, not wanting to be stalled any longer while James is in my bedroom alone. I rush up
the steps and collect myself in a flash before gently opening the door. He is sitting on the bed again
with something in his hands. My heart thumps hard when I realize it's the diary. He doesn't look up from
the pages when he asks, "Where did you get this?"
I feel the door against my back. "I found it in the house."
"Where?"
Not sure if he is upset or not, I proceed cautiously. "In the library."
"The one that is blocked off by a bookshelf?" He finally looks up at me, only making my heart race even
more. "You went into a blocked off room and took her—what—her diary? Does that not seem like a
boundary to not cross?"
"I was upset. I was looking for anything to distract myself. You're the one who just showed up in my
bedroom unannounced."
James closes the diary and tosses it beside him on my bed. "Your bedroom is different than my dead
mother's diary, Rae. And if I remember clearly, you came into my bedroom unannounced first. Now how
much do you know?"
"About your mother?"
"Yes, about my mother. You've been reading her struggles for entertainment for a while now."
I step forward. "Entertainment? That diary is the only thing that gave me a sense of clarity. It was
someone to relate to while you stomped all over me."
There is a moment of silence as James looks to be off in thought. I stand at the door watching him,
waiting for something. The sight of him on my bed is bizarre to me, some weird mix of my old life and
my new one. They don't belong together. Belongs to (N)ôvel/Drama.Org.
"You're just like her, aren't you?" He says, more relaxed than before.
I move away from the door, closer to him. "At the beginning, maybe. Not anymore."
"Why's that?"
I am careful with my words. "Your mother didn't heal, did she?"
James sighs shortly. "No."
"I don't know if she ever forgave your father. He let her in and she just took it and tried to act like
everything was normal. Then after the baby—"
"What baby?" James cuts in.
I thought he knew. Maybe I've gone too far. "I-I'm sorry."
"No, Rae. What baby?"
"She had a miscarriage," I say slowly, "I didn't read too far on it, but she seemed very distraught and
upset over it. She asked the Moon Goddess for her child back many times. I don't know, she just didn't
sound right." He peers down at the floor. "I'm sorry. I should have never taken it."
His eyes find mine once again. "Why do you want to come back? After everything I've done..."
I sit beside him on my bed and take the diary in my hands. "Because I'm not your mother. I know that
you're fighting yourself. I just wish you would tell me why."
James takes the diary and sets it on his other side. "I didn't want you to end up like her. I was ignorant,
believing that having a mate would have weakened me. I didn't want to grow attached to you, but I
couldn't let you go like you said. Once I realized I was following in my father's footsteps, I needed to
send you away. I couldn't let you end up like her."
My heart seems to flourish. "What happened to her, James?"
"She killed herself when I was young. I always believed it was my father's fault, and he did too, but
maybe there was more. I'm sure it's all in here," he says, motioning to the diary. "Keep it. You'll
probably understand her better than I would. It's time for me to go."
"Go?" I blurt. "What do you mean?"
"I have to get back to the pack before anyone realizes I was gone."
My brows furrow together. "What are you talking about? No one knows you're here? Doesn't Alpha
Waters know you're here? Is that why I can hardly smell you?"
James stands up. "Things aren't too good between your Alpha and I. I thought it best that he doesn't
know I'm here."
"Well, I'm coming with you. I can't stay here."
James nears me and takes my hand in his, covering it with his own. "You're safe here."
"But what about everything we just—"
"I'm bringing you back with me," he assures me, "just not tonight, not when I have to trespass on your
Alpha's land to get to you. When things settle down I'll bring you back."
"When's that going to be?"
James must see the worry in my eyes because he places both of his hands on either side of me, filling
me with warmth from his touch. "Don't worry. It will be soon."
"When will I see you next?"
"Maybe a few days. It's hard for me to escape my own land without issues to stop me."
I take a deep breath. "Okay. Just promise you won't leave me here."
"Of course I wouldn't leave you."
He nears the open window and I watch as he swiftly jumps down and lands smoothly on the ground.
My hands grip the windowsill as he shifts into a large, dark wolf and blends seamlessly into the forest
and beyond. I stand at my window for a few more minutes before closing it and turning to the shower,
still feeling the sensation of his touch on my body.