Werewolf Compilations

Chapter 114

The blankets are soft against my skin. Light pours in through the closed shutters, giving a dim warmth

to the room, and I feel his arms around me. I feel his shallow breaths just reach the back of my neck. I

feel like another version of myself, one that I've never met, but one that takes away the anxiety and Belongs to (N)ôvel/Drama.Org.

sadness that clouded my mind before. I'm still Rae, but I'm Content Rae. I'm Satisfied Rae. I'm Rae

who just might be okay in the end.

Right here, in this spot, I feel happy. It's a light, cozy happiness that kisses your cheek in the morning

and again before you fall asleep. It's breathless and smells like home. It's a cracked but lush sidewalk,

filling up the holes with color and life. It's summer days and nights on the beach, hearing nothing but

the waves. Happiness is me and my one true partner acting as a team and not as enemies. It's

experiencing my lowest point then my highest, and being able to appreciate it, being able to let the past

go.

I was young and angry at my world. My family was broken, my father was dead, a self-hatred grew and

devoured me. I was reckless and obsessed at the same time, acting like a fool towards others and

revealing the pain only to myself. James knows that I was suffering, he's seen the outcome of years of

my convincing. He doesn't have to ask me if I hated myself in the past because as Theresa said, he

observes, he reads people, he was a quiet child who had to do it to understand his family. That's what

we share, a broken family and years of getting over it. We both have sloppily tried to heal our wounds,

but it wasn't until now that I feel the bleeding coming to a stop.

James shifts beside me, holding me tighter. He takes a deep breath as if he's preparing to wake up

soon. I slip out of bed and head into the bathroom, feeling a little sore but relaxed overall. Turning to

the shower, I step right in and turn it on, letting the cold shock me awake for the second it lasts before

becoming warm. I wash my hair and rinse it all out, enjoying the fresh smell of the shampoo when I

hear James and feel his hands wrap around me the way I once imagined them. "Good morning," he

hums in my ear.

I've never felt so close to someone, so dependent, and so cared for. The trust established between us

is permanent and we both understand the vulnerability we've given to each other. We know how it feels

to be crossed, and we agreed that those feelings should never be felt again. Since our talk, since he

marked me, and since we are fully mated, we've agreed to work as a team. Alpha and Luna.

"Good morning," I mumble back, too focused on his hands to remember where I am.

After our shower and after we've dressed ourselves and brushed ourselves and smiled at each other,

we walk downstairs together. Theresa and Gail seem quite surprised and quickly make room for us at

the table. "You want the usual?" Gail asks me.

"What's the usual?" James questions and I blush, feeling giddy already. Such little things have become

so exciting.

"Pancakes," I say, smiling.

Gail makes some for the both of us, and while bringing forkfuls to my mouth I can't help but keep the

smiling act going. The sudden rush of emotions and sensations given to me have sent me overboard.

Images come to my mind from last night and just earlier this morning. The feelings run through my

body again, my nerves not wanting to forget what it all felt like. A deep wave washes over me, sending

a chill up my spine.

In my state of infatuation, I wonder if this is a temporary fix like the alcohol was. I wonder if I'll find

myself sobering up any minute only to obsess and nitpick at what we had done last night. Maybe I

should hold onto this moment while I can, just in case I am shoved off another cliff. It is a terrifying

thought, wondering if Nightmare Rae will come again and lay me down in the bathtub. Needing to get

away from such ideas, I fork another bite into my mouth and look up at James. "I'll come with you

today, to talk to your father. I feel like I should be there too."

"You can come if that's what you really want. I'd hate for you to get upset again if he said something

offensive."

I shake my head. "No, I'll be fine. I want to be there for you."

I stand in my mirror while James waits downstairs for me. Sometimes I don't know who I'm looking at, if

it's Old Rae, or Nightmare Rae, or Content Rae. The worrying part is, that I don't remember Rae. I don't

remember a time when I was simply me, and that makes my skin curl. If I had to guess, I stopped being

Rae after my father's death, but even then I was too young to make a person of myself.

Somethings I need to keep to myself, and one is this. Even if James never hurt me, if he was freakishly

perfect, I wouldn't try and explain these moments to him. It's not for anyone but me, whoever I am

today. That is the one thing all of my versions have in common, they understand that these thoughts

are to never be shared. It is not because I am embarrassed or dodging the fact that something may be

wrong with me, it is because there is just no way for me to explain it and keep the reputation I have in

everyone's head. As of now, Gail and Theresa think I'm a sad girl who needs more love, Theodore

probably finds me crazy and reckless, and my mother thinks I'm a stubborn child, and I can handle this

way.

After my first gathering, at the fragile age of sixteen, I had promised myself that I could be happy

without a mate. It took me nearly four years to realize that wasn't true. It's possible that I'm one of those

people who just need more time than others. Gail and Theresa already know about my incident, and

that is as much as they ever need to know.