The Glimpse of My Past

Diane’s P. O. V.

I hesitantly opened my mouth, afraid of my mother’s reaction once she would find out. But even before I could speak again, that Liam shamefacedly spoke in front of me, and I didn’t know why my heart pounded differently.

Like me, his tears were flowing on his face unceasingly. And at some point, I could feel that his tears were real… and those were silently telling me to trust him.

“Diane, please forgive me. Please… let’s start all over again and allow me to make up for everything. God knows I didn’t mean what happened, and if only I am sober that night, I would have never hurt you. I would have never ruined your life.”

“Please listen to me. I was drugged by that time, and I didn’t even know how my friends got you. I commanded them to take you back to where they got you and not even lay a finger on you. I was a victim too, and God knows how much I already repented for that sin years ago.”

“I went to the States after, yes… I must admit that I was a coward way back then. But I came back here to search for you because I owed you a sincere apology. For three years, I lived in chaos, and all I wanted to do was apologize to you personally.”

“By doing that callous and traumatizing act, I knew that it was something unforgivable, but I want to have my hopes up. I am ready for whatever punishment you would inflict on me, Diane. I might have shattered you into pieces, so I must face the consequence now.”

“Even if you would put me behind bars, I will accept it… just forgive me. Diane, please… please believe me. I wasn’t in the right position, but that’s all I could ask from you. I love you so much, and I want you to know that hurting you slashed my heart too.”

Then, he knelt in front of me while sobbing. He gently took my hands and even sincerely kissed them. I didn’t know, and I couldn’t understand what pushed me to let him do that thing.

Moreover, I didn’t know why my heart got even more upset when I saw him in such a situation. His kisses sent shivers down my spine too. I hated to admit it, but I loved the warmth of his hands.

But at the same time, his warmth screamed unknown harm. His touch was letting me see a horrible glimpse of my past, making me shred apart.

Did I really love him within the memories that I forgot? Or did he just use my amnesia and confused me with his disguising love?

“Wait, what are you talking about? I still don’t understand you! What’s going on between the two of you, huh? What about that ruining-of-life thing when you two were about to get married? Liam, what are you doing? Stand up, please!” Mom ordered him while assisting him on his shoulders to get up, but that Liam didn’t even move an inch.

“M-Mom… the truth is… that Liam and the person who r-raped me four years ago… were just the same. He was exactly the d-devil who ruined my life and crushed my dreams into pieces!” I choked with my own words.

“Now, tell me… how would I be able to accept the fact that my fiancé was actually my rapist? What did I do to deserve this detestable thing?” I couldn’t stop myself from telling the truth while my tears were still rolling down my cheeks.

But why was there something that made me curious about how the two of us spent our relationship? Why after hearing his explanations, my heart suddenly softened?

It seemed like that Liam was telling me the truth when he apologized to me. I could feel his sincerity towards everything that happened, and it somehow distraught me to see his tears from falling.

It feels like… I would have never wanted to see him cry.

Perplexed, a part of my mind would like me to wipe the damp off his face and tell him that everything would soon be alright. I controlled my hands while my heart and mind were battling.

Why would I want to give him a second chance and just forget about the painful things that happened to us before?

But there was no damn way that he could get away from his sins. Although I found him sincere, his apology would never change the fact that he ruined my life and ripped my dreams!

As far as I knew, the statute of limitations for the rape case was still active, and I could now definitely put him in jail. He deprived me of honor and dignity. What he did was inexpiable, and I would never believe him… much as I would never forgive him.

Rape would always be rape. Nothing could ever justify that mortal sin. 

Mom’s ears seemed to sting, and her blood boiled posthaste at what she heard from me. It made me blanch and worry too much.

Her whole face quickly blushed, and she looked so flustered like rage flowed through her body like lava. All my life, I had never seen her so angry, and now, I could feel like fear fluttered inside my stomach.

It looked like Mom was losing her sanity when she impetuously opened her mouth. “I-Is that true, Liam? Were you really the one who r-raped Diane? How could you do that to my daughter? I treated you like my own child too. You know that, Liam!” Her nostrils flared when she delivered those words.

“I welcomed you into our house with open arms, even though Diane only met you for a while. And now, you will repay our kindness with this, huh? David and Denise were so fond of you too, but you’ve lied to us! You broke our trust!” Mom looked so devastated as her chest went up and down.

“Why? What are you planning, Liam? To continuously deceive all of us by not telling the truth? Are you helping us now so that you could wash away all the sins you’ve committed before?” Mom was beyond furious.

“Or maybe, you intentionally approached my daughter to make her fall in love with you. Answer me! How could you do that to my daughter?” Then, she pushed Liam a little bit harder that made the latter crouch and hit his lower back on the tiled floor.

“Mom, calm down. Please… this won’t do you any good. Please… let me be the one to handle him,” I begged Mom when I noticed how she was shaking with anger. I didn’t want to talk to him, but I couldn’t bargain my mother’s health.

Now, the tables had turned because Mom became indignant more. I didn’t want her high blood illness to attack her just because of this worthless person.

“M-Mom, I-I didn’t mean what happened way back then. I’m also a victim,” he pleaded. It was just ironic how my heart fluttered the moment he called my mother using the same endearment.

He thought that it would have been appropriate to approach my mother, so he got up soon. But he hadn’t gotten too close to her yet when she shoved him away and slapped his face harder than what I did earlier.

“Don’t you ever call me Mom again! You are gruesome and unworthy! You are not my child, and I would never treat you like one. Diane was right-you are more than an animal. You are a criminal!” Mom screamed at Liam as she violently stabbed his chest with her forefinger, leaving him with no other choice but kneel again.

“But please, just hear me out. I didn’t intentionally rape Diane that night, but my friends mixed drugs on my wine. It was a sex drug, to be exact. I must admit, yes… I was the one who made that unjustifiable mistake to Diane… but believe me, I love your daughter so much, and I have nothing else to ask for but her safety.” Liam then turned to me while still on his knees.

“I love you so much, Diane… and I have never loved someone the way that I love you. I searched for you to sincerely apologize about what I did to you, but you didn’t seem to remember everything, so I was afraid to remind you even a single thing.”

“There was actually one time that I tried to tell you a hint and another time I planned to tell you everything, but my tongue regressed. How could I retell everything when that means ruining you all over again?”

“Until I sincerely fell in love with you. Believe me, please. I really love you, Diane… and I didn’t help your family just to pay for my sins in the past-” I cut him off because I could no longer take what was happening to us.

“It was all a lie from the very start! How am I supposed to believe that? Tell me, was it fun? Were you satisfied to fool me around when I couldn’t remember even the slightest thing regarding what you did in the past?” I cried.

I should be the one to hurt him, but why am I hurting?

“No! Believe me, Diane… whenever you looked at me, whenever you smiled at me, whenever you told me how much you loved me… it was all tearing me apart. Knowing how I didn’t fully deserve everything burdens me. Learning the fact that I raped you on the night of your birthday kills me.”

“It was all hard to bear because I loved you so much… so please, hear me out. I would do anything for a second chance-” I cut off the rest of what he was supposed to say again because I felt a headache. There were too many revelations that could no longer be absorbed by my brain.

“That’s enough! Just leave… please.” I palmed my head before I looked at him again-at the same time, pointing towards the door.

“And if I have to go back to the club just to compensate for all the help you had given us, I will do that. It will take a while, but I’ll be sure to pay you back,” I said with conviction.

“Diane, what I did was of my free will, and it would never be a debt for you to pay back. Please… I’m not asking for anything in return, so you don’t even have to go back to the club.” Liam was almost begging while grasping the white comforter sheet, still kneeling in front of me.

“You belonged to EGC, Diane. That was where you found the job that made you happy. That was where you applied everything you learned in college.” He was trying to persuade me, but I would never listen to him.

EGC? He must be referring to his own company.

As far as I could remember, it was mentioned by Mom a while ago. It was Evangelista Group of Companies, to be exact. It was where I used to be a Certified Public Accountant.

In just a few months, I was then promoted to Payroll Supervisor. It could be the best thing that happened, though. I guessed that my EGC experience was already enough for me to find another accounting firm to work for.Content bel0ngs to Nôvel(D)r/a/ma.Org.

“But EGC belongs to you, right? I didn’t want to get involved with anything that concerns you. That’s why I am now resigning, sir! I’ll just give my resignation letter-” I cut my own words because there was a scene that flashed through my brain.