Chapter-68. The first heat
[Xanthea]
I still remember the day when I got my first heat.
I was sixteen back then, and I knew the biology behind the heats of a female werewolf from my mother's diaries and experiences she noted in them. All anatomically female werewolves went into heat once a month. Everyone mostly experienced heats differently.
I had all the theoretical knowledge, yet when it happened to me, I wasn't ready for it. I was lost and overwhelmed and terrified at the same time.
I was sleeping on my bed when I got into the heat. The window was open, allowing the wintry air and moonlight to waft into my room. Initially, I was feverish all over my body and then it seemed as though all the heat of my body had tensed into and around my groin.
Cramps followed my arousal closely, and I thought I was out of my mind for having such obscene sexual thoughts. I kept thinking of a faceless man touching me all over, and those thoughts made me do something embarrassing. Something I had never done before.
I touched myself.
I knew there was nothing wrong with touching oneself when aroused in heats. It helped with the cramps, as I had read in my mother's diaries, but that couldn't do anything about the shame I felt.
It felt wrong, like I was a sinner for wanting it so badly.
So I stopped and thought it would be better to get suppressants. So I pulled up my panties, put on my clothes properly, and walked out of my room in the middle of the night. But I should have just stayed in my room.
My cramps got worse. I was lightheaded and dizzy. I could clearly hear my heart pound in my chest and it just got worse. I had an irresistible urge to touch myself in the middle of the isolated corridor of the Virgo palace, but I somehow stopped myself.
The experience was scary enough. I thought I would die even though I knew it was normal and happened to everyone.
Clenching my belly with my hands, I leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, trying to cope with everything my body was going through. All the emotional, physical and psychological changes, the hormones.
But one thing that blurred in the haze of my mind was my scent, because I couldn't really sense the change in my own scent.
But it had attracted a few guards nearby. I shut my nose tightly with my hands, blocking off their unpleasant, repulsive odors. Their lust-filled eyes bore into me, stripping me naked.This is the property of Nô-velDrama.Org.
A passive numbness crawled down my spine and I could feel it in my guts that something bad was about to happen.
"Looks like the omega princess needs some help," one guard said, and the rest of them chuckled.
"Everyone else is asleep, princess. Tell us what's wrong with you. We'll help," another said.
"We can help you throughout the night... you shouldn't be roaming around without bodyguards in that condition," another said.
"Haha. Yeah, princess. It's our duty to guard your body."
"I have heard the royal family doesn't really care about what happens to her. But we do, don't we, guys?" Another said, letting out a creepy laughter.
"Alpha is out of the pack. And the rest of her family wouldn't care even if they found her dead tomorrow."
"What if she is a bastard? She is a royal blood... and I haven't tasted a royal before..."
It was dark and I couldn't see properly, but I could tell there were over five men.
After that, they didn't talk, they just stared at me like I was an object.
My body tensed up, and I had an urge to scream, but I couldn't. It felt as though my voice was stuck in my throat and I was paralyzed.
I was already disgusted with myself and felt dirty, and they made me feel filthier.
There was no strength in my legs, but I wanted to run. I knew I had to when they trudged closer to me.
It felt like I had won a war against myself when I picked myself up and ran away from them, losing the sense of direction of where I was running to, but they kept following me closely.
Looking over my shoulder, I kept running until I knocked a flower vase and it shattered on the floor.
It was then I realized I had entered the inner palace close to Meesa's sleeping chambers.
Fearing what Meesa might do if she found me there, I fled further into the palace. But those guards were still there, lurking in the dark.
At this point, I just wanted to reach the safety of my room.
I turned back to see if I had lost them, but I could still see their eyes hover in the darkness as they got closer to me until they stopped.
"What the hell is happening here?"
I turned around to face Nikolai.
"Prince, we were just telling the princess to not come into this part of the palace. Luna Meesa doesn't like it when she enters the inner palace. We saw her coming this way, so we followed to stop her and escort her back to the room," a guard said blatantly. "Let's go, princess. Before Luna wakes up."
I shook my head, letting out breaking gasps as tears trailed down my eyes.
I looked at Nikolai with quivering lips, but my words got caught up in the whimper that tore through my throat.
Glowering at the guards in the corridor, he shifted his glare at me.
His eyes narrowed as he leaned closer to my neck. Shutting his eyes, he inhaled deeply. I stiffened my body.
"Looks like you failed to do your job properly," Nikolai walked past me and stood before those guards. "She is already in the inner palace. Useless piece of shits!" He growled. "You can't do one job properly! Father's out on a business trip, which means I am in charge here. Your resignations should reach the gamma by tomorrow morning or else your bodies will reach your houses in a coffin by afternoon."
"But... prince-AHHH!" Nikolai clawed his jaw in his hands. I could hear a fine cracking sound as Nikolai's grip tightened around the guard's jaw.
"Who the hell do you think you are to talk back to me, you scum?" Nikolai growled.
The guard screamed as Nikolai punched him in his guts and knocked him to the ground.
"I don't wish to wake the palace up this late at night, so go while I am still letting you," he spat at the guard.
I turned my back towards them, breathing heavily. None of the guards dared to argue. I heard their hurried footsteps as they left, dragging the injured one with them.
I shut my eyes tightly, biting my lower lip when they left. But there was no relief in my chest, just the increasing restlessness of what would happen now?
I felt Nikolai's brutal grip on my upper arm as he turned me around with a jerk.
"What the fuck is wrong with your scent?" He asked, yanking me closer to him.
I stepped away from him, feeling the repulsion from his scent. Although it wasn't as strong as those guards.
"I just... l-l-lost my way because they were following me. I'll go back to my room-"
"Why are you out of your room at this hour? Where the fuck were you going? And are you wearing some perfume?" He snarled against my face. "You found yourself a fucking boyfriend, huh? Sneaking out to meet him?" I shook my head desperately.
"No. I-I just wanted to get some medicines-"
He cocked a brow, scrubbing his hand over his face as though intoxicated by something. I knew it was my scent because his grip tightened around my arms as he slammed me against the wall.
He looked annoyed, frustrated and restless because of me.
Shaking with my whole body, I could hear his ragged breaths against my ear.
"I'll quietly go to my room. Please let me go," I said, shutting my eyes tightly as I tried to wrench my arms out of his grip.
"Fuck. What the fuck is this?" he spoke through his gritted teeth. "Why the hell is your fucking scent getting-"
"Nikolai!" Meesa growled, her eyes wide with rage and horror.
"Mom..." Nikolai instantly let go of me and distanced himself from me.
She rushed towards us, taking in the scene. "What the hell is going on here? How dare you come here?" she snarled at me.
"Some guards tried to molest her," Nikolai said.
"What!?" Meesa looked at me, narrowing her eyes. It took her a little time to sense the change in my scent, but when she did, she understood I was in heat.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of them," Nikolai said nonchalantly.
Meesa let out a sigh and shut her eyes. "Go to your room, Niko," she glared at Nikolai.
Nikolai licked his lips and looked at me with a conflicted expression on his face. "Nikolai!" Meesa raised her voice, and only then did he leave.
"You!" she hissed at me.
I slumped to the floor, breaking into sobs before she could punish me for defying her.
"It hurts..." I stuttered through my tears. "My stomach hurts. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to get some suppressants."
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I thought she'd be mad. I thought she'd hit me, but all she did was let out a frustrated grunt.
"What a headache this girl is!"
She would have usually called maids to get rid of me, but that day she took me back to my room and stayed there for an hour.
"It's all your fault, so stop with your drama. My Niko is a boy. What does he know? You were in heat. You should have been more careful. Don't go near him or any man in your heat. Suppress those evil, sinful desires of yours," she said before leaving my room.
And what followed was a week of isolation in the darkness of my room with a female doctor making sure I was on suppressants all the time.
Once my heat was over, I heard the maids talk about how the five guards who, out of the blue, gave their resignations met with an accident on their way back home and had spot deaths. The cause of their deaths to date was reckless driving because of over-drinking and drugs.
I didn't want to think much of it, but I had learnt my lesson. All the heats were the same after that. Locked in my room for a week, on suppressants.
Even when I left the palace, I preferred staying at home, locked in my room in my heats. That was the safest option I had. To lock myself up. To suppress my desires and suppress my physical needs.
And the pattern continued until the demon lords broke it.
When Ezra allowed me to ride him, he somehow gave back my control to me. The control that I never had over myself. I felt empowered in a way that was formidable.
I didn't understand the psychology behind it, but riding Ezra liberated something in me. Having sex with him the way I wanted didn't make me feel dirty or disgusted, rather it nurtured and repaired the broken parts of my soul.
Maybe it was because I was drunk and couldn't really comprehend how I felt, or maybe it was because the demon lords made me feel so seen that I desired to show them more of myself.
My desires felt heard, not suppressed. My body felt accepted, not groped. And I felt validated as a living being, not an object.
Being surrounded by their pheromones eased my mind, soothed my senses, and helped my body relax.
It was maddening how I craved to be dissolved under their touch. Burn and melt with pleasure under their bodies. To sin for them, with them.
Sex with Ezra was like being caressed by the summer winds on a winter morning. It was insane and beautiful. Like blood and roses. It was surprisingly gentle and spiritual, like meditating in a lavender field at twilight.
My body felt a stark contrast when Asher pulled me away from Ezra into his arms. Something more carnal and dangerous washed all over me. It felt like standing at the epicenter of a thunderstorm and trying to find peace in the howling winds and cracking lightning that threatened to destroy me, rip me apart.
I knew the lightning could strike any time, but I was standing there against his body, yearning to be struck. It was scary to be in his embrace, yet so tempting I didn't know if I should fear this thunderstorm or fall in love with it?
My core throbbed with the tantalizing fever running through my veins. It was as though a wave of sparks crashed against my body, flooding my mind with a kind of lust that could be easily classified as a sin.
An intense ache throbbed between my legs. My body yearned for him. A mixture of arousal and drowsiness enveloped me, as if I was willingly succumbing to his desires, inviting him to take control of me completely. Not even caring what they were talking about, I pressed my body closer to Asher's, rubbing my groin against his, feeling how the erection in his pants grew harder.
The friction and electricity between us turned violent and almost overwhelming when he possessively wrapped his arms around me. His touch burned in my chest like a fire I couldn't put off, no matter how hard I tried. All I could do was cling to Asher and allow the maddening sensations that rushed between our bodies to cloud my mind even more.
And then it happened in less than a second... one moment he was there and the next he was gone.
My head spun until it didn't, and I found myself stranded in the same darkness that I had been in all my heats all these years.