Not A Saint (ENGLISH VERSION)

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©2021 NOT A SAINT written by JL Dane

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"ARE you out of your mind? Are you going to kill yourself!" I couldn't stop myself worrying about the speed he did while he's driving the car and trying to fly in on the road.

We are just behind those vehicles when others are in front of us. Now we are ahead of the cars and he seems to have an opponent racing the car.

"Stop this. Bellevera," I pleaded. It's not like I wanted to die, but if I die, I don't want to be with Bellevera.

I really couldn't understand why he was so dead serious about me and mad to have me in his arms, even though I knew he didn't love me at all. After a while, his car returned to normal speed. He stops competing with a demon.

"I'll take you home."

I turned violently to look at him. His eyes were focused on the road as he drives forward.

"No way! I will not go with you. Stop the car, I'm going down," I said in refusal.

"We need to settle our wedding, Celestine. Why are you still afraid to marry me? There are lots of men who take advantage of you without marriage."

I took a deep breath. "You're not the man I want," I hissed, but full of determination.

"You can't do anything to stop it even you don't like me."

I just couldn't react anymore.

Moments later, my phone rang. I picked up the bag where I put in my phone, opened and pulled out the phone. I saw the name of our manager at the airlines. Her message is telling me to report back to work, and it means I can start to work again in the airlines.

"What's that?" His gaze transferred to the phone I was handling as he questioned me and snatched my phone.

"Give it back!" I said as trying to catch back the phone he was handling. But no win.

He read the content of the message I received. "Are you going back to the airlines? No! No way! You only have a lot of men to meet there. You will stay at your mom's place. Or you choose, you will stay with your mom or at my place?" he said with his dark expression and falls down the phone on the car's floor.

I cross my arms over my chest. He is asking me to choose when a lot of times he decides for me than following my decision.

When did he start to be this possessive with me? I know he is dominant, but I never think he became this possessive.

"You heard me? You will not work with that fcking airline. I will allow you to work as a model but not in the airlines," he said emphatically.

Why should I follow him? They're both the same as Brent, always complaining about what I am trying to do. When will I ever have the freedom? All I want is to live into ordinary life. But as it turns out now, I have no good and sensible life to be blessed with. They are always interfering in my life. They always just stop my decision in life. They never asked me what I wanted or would make me happy. How can I say they appreciate me? They only value themselves, but not me. So, I don't believe the word love or I'm important because that's not true. And never became true. Absurd and redundant.

Even I didn't agree, the bastard Bellevera still won when I was taken to our house. Brent's house, to be exact.

He lost his mind eventually. I said I didn't want to go back, but he forces me bringing here.

He just pulled my arm hard, dragging me inside our house.

"I don't want to go!" I struggled as I held my arm tightly.

I pulled back my arm and the two people sitting there caught us fighting. The person where my mom is talking to fixed her gazed at me-none other than Manager Roa.

"M-Manager, what are you doing here?" I didn't expect her to be here.

Manager Roa got up from her seat when she saw me.

My mom approaches me with a dark face and seemed to want to tweak my hair out or pinch me on my side and maybe even on the groin. It had probably come to my mom's knowledge that me and Manager Roa no longer talking. I blocked Roa's number. I just want to be alone.

But in that case, it did not happen. I couldn't be alone the few times Bellevera bothered me. The house and life I am fleeing, Bellevera, is still forcing me to return to where I came from.

Mommy turned her gaze to me and giggly hard held my arm. "Is it true you didn't sign the contract?"

I could see anger in mom's eyes when I stared at it. "I-I don't like the kind of con-"

I received a slap from mommy when she threw her hand out of my face.

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"Stupid! You are crazy! That's money and you have your face to refuse? Goodness, Celestine! I don't know where your brain went with."

I catch my breath and hold the cheek that tasted like a slap from my mom. She slapped me in front of my manager and Bellevera. She didn't even ask what was the reason for my refusal.

I just looked at my mom unbelievably and took big steps away from her from them. I went straight to my old room, finding out that it wasn't locked and stay the way it is.

I sat up in bed. I just wiped the tears from my eyes kept falling.

I feel bad because mommy doesn't even think about how I feel. He always thinks only of money. If maybe my real father was still alive, it wouldn't happen.

A few knocks on the door, stop me from sobbing and followed by Bellevera's voice.

"Celestine, can I come in?"

I did not speak.

The door opens and Bellevera went through. He closes the door behind him then stood in front of me.

"Even if I don't agree, you will still come in," I said without looking at him.

Bellevera laughed slightly.

"What's funny?"

He shook his head. "Don't even think about what your mom said."

I DON'T KNOW what makes me believe that Bellevera has this heart. I mean, I don't think he has a heart somehow. I don't know if he's just taking my heart pretending he sympathizes with me or it's true that he sympathizes with me. "Give me at least half a month before I marry you," I said later on.

He sat down next to me and just gave a little space between the two of us.

"Does that mean we can have the engagement?" he asks, smilingly.

"I can't do anything if you decide for my life. You see, I have no role in this world. You are the only one who rotates and controls me. What is the use of my decision?" I said in full sarcasm.

He becomes speechless. He just bowed his head. But in my peripheral vision, I could see his grin that was obviously shown with what I said.

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Let's see Bellevera. I can find a way to escape from you and I will never waste the day of my life being with you.

He's acting like a normal guy when I do know that he has something. He has two faces and the other side of him. Aside from being a womanizer, I know I shouldn't trust him the very first thing. He just going to use me, then I will use him to get what I want. Win-win situation, right?

"Then, I will ask your mom to prepare our engagement, then next day evening so we can be married."

I just nodded. Even that engagement is against my will.

"After the engagement, I will give you the weeks to decide. Although I will give you the liberty to decide. We still need to get married."

See? He is still the one who has the decision for me to follow, even though I said I don't want to give myself in before the marriage.

He walks forward and stops facing me. "Just behave like a friendly cat and believe me, nothing bad will happen to you, okay," he said with his eyes focused on my face. He lifted his finger, touching my chin, and fixed his gaze.

For a moment, I felt his hand crawl towards my back. He even cupped my face, meeting our lips together, and he kissed me passionately.

He guided me, landing my back on the bed slowly as he continued kissing me. I wanted to fight, but I agreed to get us engaged, so what's the point of my acting. I have already given him my whole self, so there is no reason for me to refuse against his will.

"I miss you a lot," he said between his kisses.

I can feel the warmth of the look he gives. I could see in his eyes how much he liked me. Liking me in his bed.

"I miss everything about you, Celestine."

He lowered my hand in one direction; I got slightly surprised as if electricity flowed into my hand when I hit the thing he tried me to hold with.

"You are the only one who can let me stand like this, Celestine."

I would have pulled my hand back as if it had burned from his crotch when he presses it even harder between his thighs. He slowly closes his eyes as if feeling the softness of my hand as he held my palm tightly lying there.

One of his hands is resting behind the arch of my back.

He opens his eyes, meeting our gazes as he stared into my eyes. His gaze slowly stops until reaching my lips. I no longer objects when he claimed it again.

"You are mine and finally you are going to be mine," he said between his kisses.

His lips were so hot that I felt like I was drowning in the way he kissed me. But I still keep it in my mind that I shouldn't be carried away and carried away by his kind of kisses as if I had to give up on being a lesbian. I wanted to be more, and it wasn't the flirting I had to take care of.