Gold Digger

Lottie

“Posh people are weird,” Hayley whispered, and I gave her a fervent nod. We both had black circles all over our faces from burnt corks and we were watching Bertie, one of Ollie’s many cousins, do his forfeit, which consisted of running five times around the outside of the house in his underwear (no mean feat considering the size of the country pile). It was below freezing and Bertie did not appear to be in the best shape. We both followed his progress as he streaked past the vast living room windows, with only the smallest union jack pants barely covering his modesty.

Apparently this was what happened at Christmas in posh houses. You exchanged gifts in the morning – most of them homemade and all of them under a fiver. You ate a huge amount of turkey, watched the King’s Speech of course, and then spent the rest of the afternoon playing games, hence the black circles and streaking cousin.

Other than the huge game of Twister spread out on the floor and the karaoke machine, I suspected most of these games would have been played by this family for hundreds of years. We’d been eased into this last year. At that point, we still weren’t living with Ollie full time, much to his annoyance. But I had to take the time to trust him again. Plus, I’d taken a six-month lease on the flat. I wasn’t going to lose that money, despite Ollie grumbling that I “didn’t need the bloody money” and he’d “buy the bloody flat if I was that worried about it”. He blustered about whilst I serenely ignored him until the other flat in my building was burgled, and Ollie declared the area “practically a ghetto” (we were in Kensington near him, so that couldn’t have been further from the truth).

But he begged me, Claire begged me, Florrie begged me and then, finally, Hayley begged me. Hayley never asked for anything, and seeing as she was asking for something I wanted, I decided to give it to her. So, we moved in. Claire and Florrie were still living there then. By this stage Blake was out of the family home, but she still preferred to live with Ollie for now.

I hadn’t realised how worried Claire was about the living situation until she asked me if they were intruding in my home. My home. Totally confused, I’d told her this was the Harding family home, and for someone who rarely lost her temper, she really went nuclear. Ollie and his family did not like me suggesting Hayley and I weren’t part of them.

Six months after I moved in, we were married in Little Buckingham church. Hayley, Florrie, Vicky, Claire and Lucy were bridesmaids. Legolas broke into the church and ate my bouquet (well, the official story is that it was a break-in – Hayley and Florrie had been asking for weeks if he could be an honorary groomsman, and he was wearing a bowtie in his mane, so I had my doubts). Felix offered to walk me down the aisle, but in the end, I decided to walk on my own. After all, I’d been looking after myself all my life – no reason not to do it down the middle of a church with my head held high. Ollie hadn’t even let me walk the full length of it anyway. His eyes lit as soon as he saw me in the lace gown I’d chosen with Lucy and his sisters. I only got about halfway before he’d had enough. He strode down the aisle, snatched me up into a hug, kissing me in front of all the guests. The rest of the walk to the altar was with my hand in his as he propelled me forward with me only just able to keep my balance on my heels.

The vicar raised his eyebrows. “We haven’t got to that part yet, young man,” he told Ollie.

“Sorry, old chap,” Ollie said with his standard charm. “But this one has kept me waiting for long enough. Needed to make sure she made it up here.”Belongs to (N)ôvel/Drama.Org.

When it came to the vows, we said all the traditional ones, and then Ollie surprised everyone by calling Hayley over to us. He took one of her hands in his, keeping one of mine in the other and crouched down to her level.

“Hayley,” he said, smiling at her. “I know I’m marrying Lottie today, but I want to make some promises to you too, okay?”

Hayley nodded, her eyes shining as she looked at this amazing man. He took a deep breath then he blew our world apart.

“I promise to love you even when you eat the last of the Nutella,” he started, and Hayley giggled with the rest of the church. “I promise to keep telling rubbish jokes to embarrass you in front of your friends for the rest of your life.”

“Oh great,” groaned Florrie, sparking more laughter from the congregation.

“I promise I’ll love you bigger than the whole sky,” he said in a softer voice, his hand taking her hand to her chest covered with his, before moving them both to the centre of his chest. “I promise that you, your sister and I will always be a team. And Hayley, my little stowaway, I promise I’ll never let you go.”

Hayley lost her battle with tears then, along with most of the congregation, as she flung herself into Ollie’s waiting arms. The rest of the ceremony was performed with Hayley on Ollie’s hip and me tucked under his other arm. The picture I had blown up for our kitchen is that exact pose outside the church with Ollie smiling a massive proud smile into the camera like he couldn’t believe his luck, me beaming up at him from under his arm, and Hayley’s smiling face tucked into his neck.

“Oh balls!” Claire shouted as her plate spun off her egg. Plate spinning on hard-boiled eggs was another posh-people parlour game that I was struggling to understand. “Lottie, it’s your turn.” I’d never thought Claire was particularly quiet, more subdued, but I was coming to realise that she was just as loud and out there as her daughter. Clearly Blake had been holding her back. Their divorce had come through last week, and she’d seemed even lighter since then. She’d stopped asking if we wanted her to move out after I told her very firmly one evening, “Claire, Hayley and I have had years of being a small family of two. We made it work, but you could never understand how much it means to us to live with family. And for Fanta’s sake there’s still more bathrooms than people in this joint!”

As I was spinning a plate on an egg, not something I thought I would ever need to be doing in my life, Hayley tugged on my sleeve.

“Is it time yet?” she whispered. I looked up at Brenda and Tony, who were across the room, having their faces covered in the cork soot as well, and lifted the envelope that Hayley had passed to me. Brenda nodded, and Tony took her hand, giving me a smile and a thumbs-up.

“Yes, lovebug,” I said. “Let’s do it.” I grabbed a champagne glass and tapped it with a spoon I’d swiped from earlier to get everyone’s attention.

“Hey, everyone,” I said, feeling a bit unsure now that everyone was silent. I forced a smile and cleared my throat. Ollie frowned at me from across the room. He could tell my forced smiles from my real ones. “So, Hayley has something to say. She wanted to say this herself, but as you know, her voice isn’t the loudest, so if we could have a bit of quiet just for a couple of minutes, we’d be super grateful.” Ollie’s long legs had eaten up the distance between us, and he was now by my side when Hayley got to her feet.

“Hi,” Hayley said in such a small voice a few people had to lean forward to strain to hear her. My heart felt like it was in my throat. “I wanted to give Ollie my present and…” she trailed off, then tugged on my hand. I leaned down to her, and she whispered in my ear. “It seems a bit silly now. Is it silly?” My throat closed over, and I took her face in my hands.

“It’s not silly, lovebug,” I said fiercely. “Nobody will think that. Least of all, Ollie.”

“What’s going on?” Ollie said, worry in his voice now. “Hails? You okay, darling?”

Hayley squared her shoulders and turned to him, losing the nerve now to address the entire room. “I wanted to give you a present, but maybe it’s a bit silly,” she said in a small voice.

“I would never think that anything you give me is silly, stowaway,” Ollie told her, crouching down to her level.

Hayley ducked her head and looked down at her feet as she handed the envelope to Ollie. He took it and ripped it open, looked it over briefly. When he realised what it was, his eyes closed for a moment, and when he opened them, the expression on his face was savagely beautiful.

“Hayley,” he breathed before pulling her in for a hug, the papers clutched in his hand.

“You don’t think it’s stupid?” Hayley whispered in his ear, and he pulled back slightly to rest his forehead on hers.

“No, baby,” he told her. “This is the best present I’ve ever had in my life. It’s anything but stupid.”

“What is it?” Claire shouted. Standing up from her game of Twister with her hands on her hips.

“Mum, you numpty,” Florrie said in her patented exasperated tone. “Those are adoption papers. Hayley gave Uncle Ollie her . Gosh, you adults are so dense sometimes.”

“Brenda and Tony managed to obtain the consent we needed.” They’d finally tracked down their son. It had broken their hearts, but he’d been only too happy to sign away his parental rights. “We’ll be her legal guardians together,” I told Ollie hesitantly, and he transferred his fierce expression to me. Lifting Hayley in his arms between us, he wrapped us both in a hug. “There’s another present,” I whispered in his ear. “But not for another seven or so months.” He froze, his shocked eyes flying to mine before a massive smile took over his face and he lifted us both off our feet and spun us both around as if we weighed nothing at all. Hayley and I squealed, and everyone there clapped and cheered.

And that photo, snapped by Margot, who, despite being in floods of tears still knew a good shot when she saw one, went next to our wedding shot. Every morning, I’d drink my tea from my fancy cup and stare at those photos. Most mornings, when Ollie would catch me doing it, he’d kiss me back to the present, drawing disgusted groans from Claire and the girls. Because that was family. You wound them up, you drove them crazy, but, above all, you loved them.