What is happening to me
Hillary POV
“You are doing well,” I told Loukas as we walked side by side. He leaned on his wheel walker while I stood by his side. “Good progress,” I watched him walk by himself without any help and when he turned to face me, I gave him a thumbs up. “You can do it!”
“Oh really?” Loukas laughed. ” You are my motivation,” he said and walked towards me with the wheel walker. “You look beautiful today dear wife and you seem to be a little bit chubby,” that was meant to be a compliment but it made me think about how I felt days ago. I have been feeling nauseous lately and because I didn’t want to think about it, I let the feeling out of my head. “I love it,” he added.
“I….” I didn’t know what to say and just stared at myself. My green shirt that I wore was fitted and tightened my skin unlike before when it wasn’t my size. Loukas was right when he said that I had added weight because of the truth.
I had added weight.
“Are you okay?” Loukas asked after a moment of silence. “You are a little bit calmer today,” Loukas raised his right hand but he quickly brought it down. ” It’s much better now and I can raise it easily unlike before. ”
I smiled at him and walked towards him halfway. I placed my hand on his and grinned. “You are doing well,” I winked at him.
“Seeing you winking like that makes me want to have you in my arms but I am…” He heaved a sigh, unable to say anything but I understood him. Loukas was pointing out his disability but I didn’t see him that way.
He was perfect in my sight and I didn’t care that he couldn’t move his limbs perfectly because I was in love with him. “You should stop saying that,” I beckoned to him to follow me to the couch. As I sat down, he wheeled himself towards me until he was seated by my side. “You are perfect to me,” I stood up from his side and bent down to where his legs were. I helped him raise his right leg up and down. “Your recovery is faster than a lot of people that I have done physiotherapy with. ”
” Really?”
I nodded in response and looked up to face him. ” You are one of the best patients that I ever treated,” I told him and he smiled at me. Putting my head down, I continue raising his leg and lowering it. None of us said a word until Loukas placed his hand on my back. “I gasped in shock and turned to face him. ” Are you in pain?” I asked him but he shook his head in response.
“I am okay,” he replied and smiled at me. “I am just so lucky to meet someone like you,” he grabbed my hand and kissed it.
How I wish he could have said that with so much love. His voice brought a lot of emotions and I felt but I didn’t know if he meant it or not. I didn’t know if he loved me as much as I loved him. “What are you thinking of Hillary?”Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!
I shook my head and forced myself to smile. ” I…” I needed to let it all out. “I don’t know because I’ve been thinking about a lot of things and I wanted you to know that I’ve been thinking,” I paused and heaved a sigh.
I didn’t know how to say it because I wanted to know what he was thinking too.
” What have you been thinking about?”
I took a deep breath and let it out. It was time to let out my fears and worries. “I’ve been thinking about what would happen to us after our contract ends. What would become of us?” I cleared my throat as I asked him.
Loukas heaved a sigh but didn’t say anything for a while and continued to rub my back. He smiled at me and when I tried to read his facial expression, he had his usual stoic look. “I am…” He finally said something after a moment of silence. “I don’t know what to say,” he said and heaved a sigh.
I bit my lips and lowered my head. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear from him. He had already said he was incapable of love and I shouldn’t have asked him about how he felt about me. “I know,” I responded and continued raising his legs as if I didn’t say anything a moment ago.
“Hillary!” He grabbed my hand. “I already told you Hillary that this relationship was just for business purposes.”
And the sex too, I thought.
“I can never fall in love,” he said and I nodded in response even though I know that already. I had been a fool who had fallen for his charms and cuteness. “I don’t know what is going through your mind and I don’t like how you are silent right now and I….”
” It’s okay Loukas,” I cut him off. ” You already made it clear. I am so sorry for bringing it up,” I apologized to him.
” That’s not what I meant Hillary. You are taking it the wrong way!”
Tears welled up in my eyes as he said that but there was nothing that I could do about it. Loukas and I were never meant to be and even if I tried to force it, the end wasn’t going to be good. “Hillary!” He called my name when I averted my eyes from his. “Are you alright?”
What else was he expecting me to say? I thought and stood up from the ground. As I opened my mouth to answer him, I suddenly felt bile in my stomach. I felt nauseated and I hit my chest to stop myself from throwing up right there. My vision became hazy and I could barely see anything but I struggled and headed towards the washroom that was inside the therapy room.
I barged into the washroom and threw up my breakfast into the sink. “What is wrong with me?” I felt bells ringing in my head and everything around me suddenly became two. I rubbed my eyes and stared at myself In the mirror. Just like Loukas had said, I had added a little bit of flesh on my cheek, neck, and my stomach. I raised my blouse and stared at my stomach. It was flat like always and I shook my head at the idea of being pregnant.
The last time I had such an idea was when Loukas and I first returned from Hawaii. Ever since then, I haven’t had any other ideas concerning that.
“There is no way I am pregnant,” I said to myself and turned on the sink. Washing my face, I repeated these words. “I am not pregnant,” I repeated it five times until I couldn’t any longer.
” Hillary!” Loukas shouted from outside the washroom. “Hillary!”
I didn’t reply and continued staring at myself in the mirror. Tears trickled down my face and I let it fall because I could fathom what was happening to me. “I can’t be..” I stopped talking and turned towards the door when I heard an aggressive knocking on the washroom door. “Hillary!” He shouted. “What’s going on?” He continued knocking.
I quickly washed my face with water and walked towards the door. I opened it wide and saw the worried look on his face. “What is going on with you?” He asked I tried to touch him but he couldn’t stand perfectly on his own so he dropped his hand.
“I am fine, ” I clicked my tongue even though I wasn’t fine. I felt the urge to throw up again but I held it in when I saw his right leg shaking. “Loukas!” I yelled his name.
“What’s going on? ” He asked. “Did anything happen to you?” Even though his leg was shaking, he didn’t feel it. I pointed down to his shaking leg and when he looked down, he gasped. “My leg is..” he screamed out in excitement. “Hillary! My leg is….”
I nodded in response and placed a hand on my chest trying so hard not to throw up. My head began to pound yet again and I held it with my hands. I fell to the ground and before I knew what was happening, I threw up at Loukas’s feet.
“Hillary!” He shouted my name. “Are you okay?”
I wiped my lips and shook my head in response. “I don’t think so…” I hiccuped and tried to rub my eyes because I could barely see anything but then I fell to the ground and everything went black. The last thing I heard before I blacked out was Loukas’s voice as he called my name.