Forbidden Desire

He smiled at me, his eyes sparkling, and I lost my breath. We went to his house, ordered Thai food, and fell asleep on the couch while watching TV. I woke up in the middle of the night with him carrying me to the bedroom. He laid me on his bed, covered me, and then tried to leave the room.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to sleep in one of the guest rooms since you slept so well here.”

I grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the bed.

“No. Don’t leave me alone, please!”

“Do you want me to sleep here with you?”

Jane nodded, noticing that he seemed a little nervous. I didn’t understand his nervousness; after all, we had slept together earlier. Jihoon lay facing me, and seeing the way he looked at me with his eyes shining made me forget everything. Once again, I found myself staring at his irresistible lips, but this time, there was nothing stopping me from kissing them, and that’s what I did. I kissed him passionately, almost immediately losing my breath. He brought his hands to my neck, pulling me closer and intensifying our delicious kiss. For a few seconds, it seemed like I forgot about reality. My body responded to his touch, burning with desire. I pulled him closer, and the truth I hadn’t even admitted to myself now seemed obvious; I had always wanted him, and now I could have him. But before I could proceed, his urgent touches brought back memories of the nights I spent with Jason, and I ended up freezing. He noticed and took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure.

“I’m sorry. I’m not ready yet.”

“You don’t need to apologize; it’s okay. It’s all still very recent; I understand.”

I looked at him, and it was impossible not to melt with him. I rested our foreheads together, feeling the heat of his body against mine, which was addictive. Everything about him attracted me like a bee to honey.

“But I want you, Ji! I’ve always known that. I’m not ready now, but if you wait a little, I…”

“For as long as you want. For some people, it’s worth waiting!”

I smiled at him and snuggled into his chest. I thought everything would be fine and that with his help, I could overcome everything quickly, but I couldn’t sleep for a single day of the weekend. I had trouble eating, and what I thought would be easy became worse every day. The following week, I called my aunt and asked her to bring my things. When she came to see me, she said she didn’t even recognize Jason because he seemed so sad. She asked if it was true that my child wasn’t his, and looking at her, I couldn’t lie. Time passed, and I survived one day at a time. Some days were good, but there were days when I couldn’t even get out of bed.

After a month, I decided to give Jihoon a chance, and we started dating. It was clear how much I liked him, but it didn’t seem enough to make me forget about Jason, especially because I hadn’t been able to give myself to Jihoon yet out of fear. Fear of going to bed with him and not feeling the same way I felt with Jason, fear of him getting tired of me after having me; I was afraid of everything, and it prevented me from doing what I most wanted, which was to sleep with him. I became so emotionally dependent on Jihoon that on the only day he needed to go to Busan to shoot a commercial, I had a fever. I couldn’t be without him, and we had created an unparalleled connection that I had never had with anyone. He seemed to read my thoughts and knew what I was thinking before I even spoke.

I was always glued to him, and that was the only thing that truly made me happy. Of course, I studied, and he continued working, but we always managed to have dinner together every night. I became extremely spoiled because I had never had someone pamper me and show me as much affection as he did, and that ended up making me a bit spoiled. I was already two months pregnant, and I had scheduled the exam to find out the baby’s gender with Dr. Hoojin for Monday afternoon, as Jihoon spent the mornings at the company working on his solo album.Còntens bel0ngs to Nô(v)elDr/a/ma.Org

As soon as he finished work, he picked me up at home and brought hazelnut chocolate truffles that were sold in front of the company, which I was addicted to. He pleased me in every way, and it was clear how much better I was feeling. We arrived at the clinic holding hands, making plans about the baby’s room depending on the gender. If it were a girl, Ji wanted to make a unicorn-themed room, and if it were a boy, he wanted to make a room with a space theme. I smiled at his excitement, and he had truly become a father to my child. He was with me through every bout of morning sickness, every craving for strange foods, and he slept every night, caressing my belly. We were happy in the waiting room until I saw someone I hoped never to see again approaching, and my whole body froze. He gave a slight smile when he saw me, but when he noticed that I was holding hands with Jihoon, his expression changed.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, startled to see Jason there.

“I heard from your aunt that you were coming for the exam today, and I didn’t want to miss it.”

His tone was serious, and his expression showed indifference. Jihoon was going towards him when I held him back and shook my head. I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the fact that my heart was racing just from hearing his voice and shrugged.

“Why? He’s not yours.”

Before I could finish, he denied it.

“You can say whatever you want, Jane, but until he’s born, and you prove to me with a DNA test that he’s not mine, I won’t stay away. This baby is mine, and even if you don’t want anything to do with me, you can’t keep me away from this child.”

The door to the doctor’s office opened, and Dr. Hoojin appeared there, seeming to realize how tense the situation was.

“And then? Shall we find out the baby’s gender?”

Everyone looked at me, waiting for my decision, and I just nodded.