Brothers of Paradise Series

Panic rises in my chest like a tidal wave. Lee can’t come to this town, with these people, with me. With Emma. The scenarios build upon one another until they tower around me, a wall I can’t look over. I’m trapped.

I sink onto the bench and focus on my breath, drawing it into my lungs with heavy inhales. Something wet is running down my cheeks and I wipe at the tears. I can’t believe he can do this to me with just one text.

I thought I was stronger than this. That I’d come further.

“Jamie?”

I look down at my shoes and try my best to ignore the voice. There’s a golden buckle around each of my ankles.

“Jamie, my God, are you all right?” Parker’s voice is closer, and the bench creaks softly beneath me. “Do you need help? Are you hurt?”

I shake my head and a half-crazed, half-sobbed laugh escapes me.

“Okay, baby. Just breathe, then.” He puts a large hand on my back, rubbing it in circles.

I do what he says, several long breaths, and then my sobbing breaks out in full force. It feels ridiculous. And the ridiculousness of it, of crying here, in front of the ocean, next to him of all people, makes me cry even harder. What if everything I’ve built here has been a dream?

“Jamie,” he murmurs and draws me into his arms. He does it effortlessly, folding me against his body. I grip onto the collar of his linen shirt and smell the soap on his skin and it makes me cry harder.

“What happened? Was it something at the party?”

I shake my head against his neck. We sit like that until I can control myself, until my tears have slowed to a drip instead of a waterfall.

“Hey,” he murmurs and uses his thumb to wipe beneath my eye. “What happened?”ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

“Maybe I don’t fit in here. At the party, with all these people…”

His eyes sharpen. “Where is this coming from? Absolutely not. You’re as Paradise as I am, as any of us.”

I laugh at the absolute impossibility of that. It comes out like a half-sob. “No, I’m not. No one I spoke to would understand what I’ve been doing the last couple of years. I have no career. No car. No house. No husband, no father for my daughter. I don’t even have a proper savings account. I’m an absolute failure.”

“Jamie, Jamie…” he says, both hands cupping my face now. “Where’s this coming from? These aren’t your words.”

“Yes, yes they are. They’re true,” I say. “And Lee just texted me.”

Parker grows still. “He did?”

“Yes. He’s figured out where I am. I wasn’t sure he even remembered the name of Paradise Shores, but he did. And he said he doesn’t want his daughter to grow up where I did, and I can’t take that, can’t… I have to leave with her again. And she loves it here. And I love it here.” I shake my head and look down at my hands. “I sound half insane, and I can hear it, and I know you can hear it… You’re probably thinking it right now. That this isn’t the Jamie you grew up with, the Jamie you remember. Maybe you’re even thinking, she’s changed so much. What a shame. You are, aren’t you? I can’t bear it. I can’t bear to be anything less than what I was, but I’m reminded how much I fall short every single day in Paradise Shores.”

“Jamie,” Parker says. His voice is steady. “Do you assume I’m thinking it, because that’s what you believe about yourself?”

“Yes.”

“All right. Well, it’s absolute bullshit,” he says. “I don’t think any of those things. Not a single one of them. I think you’re still one of the strongest people I know. I think you’re a fantastic mother-no failure in sight there-and I’ve seen how you and Emma are together. You spend every single hour you’re not working with her, and you’ve done your best to make this summer her best yet. I’ve seen you do all of that. Is that a failure?”

I swallow. “No.”

“No,” he says. “Exactly. And I couldn’t have done what I’ve done with the yacht club without you. You have all the necessary skills to start working as a freelancer, you know. Offering graphic design, website design, and newsletter services. Does that sound like someone with nothing to offer?”

I shake my head.

His eyes darken, and something tightens along his jaw. “You do not have to leave this town because your ex knows you’re here. If anything, he should be the one to stay away.”

“I don’t know how I’ll react,” I whisper. It feels like a terrible thing to admit. But his influence had once been so strong, and I so weak to believe his words. Worthless, I think. It had been his favorite word.

“Will you tell me about him?” Parker asks. His hand shifts from my cheek to my shoulder. “Emma’s father? How did you leave him?”

I take a deep breath. What do I have left to hide? “He’d been growing more distant. He did that, sometimes. He’d freeze me out when he was displeased about something. I don’t even know what he was angry at me for the last time. Not frying his bacon the way he liked it? Talking to the neighbors down the street who he thought were too nosy? It changed all the time.”

Parker exhales sharply. “He’d ice you out?”

“Yes. Not talk to me, ignore Emma, make little comments about how I could never do anything right. It had gotten worse over the years. Wasn’t like that in the beginning. And this last time… I couldn’t take it any longer. Not when he froze out Emma too, when he refused to answer her quiet questions, punished her as a way to punish me. She’s big enough to take notice.”

“Of course she is,” he says, voice hard.

I take another deep breath. “So I packed a suitcase for me and Emma. Took out all the money I had in my account. He had access to it.” I shake my head, shame acidic in my stomach. “I can’t believe I gave him that. But I wrote a note and left it on the kitchen counter. I wrote that if he didn’t want us anymore, we didn’t want him. And Emma and I left to the bus station.”

“Just like that.”

“Just like that,” I murmur. “He was working odd jobs, and he didn’t always like me working. We had to get away.”

“He’s not paying child support,” Parker says slowly.

“No, he most certainly is not. But I don’t mind. I don’t want him to have any claim on Emma, no more than he already does. I’d revoke even that if I could.”

“So he has custody, legally speaking?”

“Yes,” I say. The thought sweeps a wave of nausea through me. If he were to exercise it…

A thoughtful, calculating look comes into Parker’s eyes. The one I’d seen often enough at the yacht club, or back when he’d been sailing. He’s so much more than a jock. Always was, even back when I tried to only see him as that. “Have you saved text messages? Between the two of you?”

“Um, yes. I think so. Everything’s automatically saved, right?”

“Yes. Don’t delete anything,” he says.

“Do you think… it might be necessary?”

“I don’t know,” he says, and his mouth tips up in a reassuring smile. “But if there is, you have a lawyer in your corner. Emma isn’t going to go anywhere without you. He was emotionally abusive and manipulative, and a judge will hear your case.”

I lean back on the bench and wipe at my face. My outburst has left me empty and restless. “Thank you.”

“Anytime. You have people here, James. People who care about you.” His hand lands on my knee, curving over my bare skin. “People who can remind you who you are.”

I take a deep breath. “You’re way too good for me, you know.”

He snorts. “That’s ridiculous.”

“You are, though. I felt like I was watching you at prom, back there. With your group of cool friends, lighting up the room.”